Speaking of the unicorn – no, not your super tech startup valued at over $1 billion, but the white, mythical horse-like beast with a long horn spiraling from its forehead, it’s nice to know that it is real! A new skull fossil discovered near Kozhamzhar in the region of Pavlodar of Kazakhstan by researchers for Tomsk State University confirms the existence of the Siberian unicorn, or Elasmotherium sibiricum.
American Journal of Applied Science published the findings.
The skull suggests a male, Siberian unicorn had once roamed the landscape. The mammal stood roughly 2 meters (6.5 feet) tall and 4.5 meters (15 feet) long and weighed about 4 tonnes.
Great news right? Absolutely, I can tell my college-day girlfriends that we might still find that perfect man. “Hey, remember unicorn-stallion-mustang-horse-pony-donkey? Well, about Mr. Right…”
Word of the Day: Unicorn
Unicorn ????dú ji?o shòu/???????????the three characters literally translates to alone/single?? dú?+ horn?? ji?o?+ beast?? shòu?
The lengthy name: unicorn-stallion-mustang-horse-pony-donkey, was a rating system my friend came up with when we were freshmen in university. The code allowed us to check out boys, rate them and convey our judgement to each other quickly. Even better, the system was unknown to outsiders. If you were walking next to us on campus, you might have caught the following exchange:
First, a gleeful (and excited) voice cried out, “Stallion, quick, three o’clock!” Then, a burst of giggles followed, ebbing and flowing. A few minutes later, another voice rang out “Oh, I think I saw a Mustang! Wait. Never mind, it was a Pony. Urg.”
The Unicorn represents the Unattainable, the Perfect Man. Like the mythical creature, both beings are not real and therefore non existent. The next best thing, which is in fact the best [mortal] man, is the Stallion. The Stallion has his faults, but he sure is one fine hunk of a man. Then in decreasing order, you have the Mustang (above average), Horse (average), Pony (below average) and the Donkey (Jackass).
Pretty clever won’t you say? Shallow, yes, but at least the system is more intelligent compared to that of my guy friends. One informed me that he and his friends rated girls on a scale one to ten, and another, who obviously tried to impress me with his knowledge of Greek mythology, told me they rated girls on an increment of Helen 1 and counting. The “Helen” alluded, stood for Helen of Troy, who was considered the most beautiful woman in the world.
But back to the Unicorn etc. and mankind.
As much as I’d like to believe that the latest discovery validates the existence of the perfect man, reality seems to suggest otherwise. For one, if the Unicorn were to represent the Perfect Man, It/He appeared nothing like the white, ethereal creature depicted in storybooks. In fact, the very real unicorn looked more like a hairy, shaggy, buffalo with a huge horn on its forehead.
Even more telling, the Siberian unicorn died out some 29,000 years ago. The Perfect Man, alas, is flawed. He never made it.